aahhhhhh

I feel like I can finally breathe again.  It makes me so angry (and upset and terrified) when doctors throw around possible diagnoses like it's nothing.  Of course my mind goes straight to the worst case scenario and my fingers go straight to Google. 

This last one was a doozie.  'The man' at John's Hopkins couldn't classify my tumor, so he suggested I have genetic counseling, as he saw a link between my tumor and my skin cancers.  Hearing this news at my check-up with the neurosurgeon was like a kick in the gut.  I went in feeling wonderful and came out with my head hung low.  My initial thought was....genetics....that means my kids, my parents, my sisters and my niece and nephew are effected too.  Worst case scenario.  A few days later I was at the Spokane Club getting ready to hop on a treadmill when I got a phone call.  It was the secretary from the geneticist office calling to schedule an appointment.  The first words out of her mouth were "Now, what symptoms have you been having for your doctor to refer you for Cowden's Syndrome?"  Excuse me!?  Here my first reaction was WHY IS THE SECRETARY TELLING ME THIS?  Isn't there some sort of privacy act - Hippa or something??  Regardless, the first thing I did was pull up the internet on my phone and check things out.  It is quite an extreme syndrome with  some very visible physical characteristics as well as a predisposition to several other cancers.  Oh - and the appointment she was able to get me in for was a month and a half out.  Brutal.

I went to my other doctor's appointment, told her of this genetics office, etc., and she offered to call to recommend I was seen sooner.  Long story short, my appointment yesterday (and not a month from now!) resulted in a physical exam, going over the family health history paperwork I filled out, and the geneticist almost rolling her eyes that I was a) referred for Cowden's Syndrome and b) referred at all.  Hallelujah!  FINALLY getting some good...or GREAT news from a doctor's appointment was a fabulous feeling!  It feels like the stars are aligning again.  Everything is going to be OK.  There are so many positive things to focus on right now.  I am tired of giving energy to negative people.  I need all the energy I can take right now to return to the person I was before this whole mess began!

I have never been one to ask for or accept help, but throughout this process I have learned I have to!  Friends babysitting the kids for my appointments and being there for me to talk to have been unreal.  I always say I hate drama, and I feel as though I have lived such a dramatic life these past few months.  I feel like I have drained the positivity from people.  With apologies, I am back!  Ready for action!