We went in to the whole thing quite scared. Going through my head were thoughts about not being here for my children, my husband, my family. Not seeing my kids grow up. I felt so selfish during those times. I wanted to be here for them, not someone else. They are MINE. And thankfully I AM here to be with everyone. And we even added one more for me to be with. Amazing is the fact Charlie is here following such tumultuous times. Things happen for a reason. I'll never know why I had a brain tumor. What I do know, however, is from the bad came a whole lot of good. I am able to positively look at life without allowing the negativity to take over. Without judgment. And the world is a happier place for me. Look at everything I have to be thankful for. Thanksgiving will forever be a VERY thankful time in my life.
I took a few minutes to read through the blog posts from the days surrounding my diagnosis and surgery. I can remember the combination of numbness and pain I felt. My heart hurt. The weight of everything was unbearable. Yet the out-of-body feeling left me numb. I couldn't formulate cohesive, logical thoughts. I am so thankful to have had the support I did to make it through. My family and friends (and people I barely knew) were there, and that's what mattered most. I remember it being so hard for me to talk about the situation with anyone, until it came to the boiling point when I gushed to Mel for what seemed like hours. And how the process seemed to take an eternity, but in actuality, from start to finish was a few weeks. To have to wait 10 months post-surgery for a follow-up/non-pregnant MRI was just about as hard. The fear of the unknown truly is something.
Who knows what the future will hold for me, but for right now I wouldn't trade the things that transpired in the past year for anything. The relationships created and strengthened, the outlook I can have on life, and the self-knowledge gained. I am THANKFUL.
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