Here you will find stories, pictures and thoughts from: Murphy Funnies

Friday, October 17, 2008

Murphy Funnies

1. Kelly: Murphy! We can go to Green Bluff this weekend to the pumpkin farm to get some pumpkins! How many do.....(interrupted by Murphy)
Murphy: "No, pumpkin PATCH, not farm."
Oh. OK.

2. Walking around the block yesterday, Murphy pipes up: "It's fall today." And this morning, looks up in the sky and says "It rain today." A two year-old meteorologist!

3. Kelly: Murphy - are you all clicked in (in the carseat)?

Murphy: "No, I'm Michael."

I look to Georgia and she says "I told him he was Michael!"

4. Murphy comes in and says "Mama Llama, can I have applejuice?" Sure Murph. "No, I'm Diego." Identity crisis!

5. The kids and I were on a walk and met an old grandma neighbor. Major bless - was yelling at Weinie their Weiner Dog to stop barking or he'll get a spanking and be put in time out. Anyways - Murphy proudly tells her "I'm Diego."

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Kid Funnies

Yet another one to file under Where Have I Gone Wrong as a Parent: Me: I'm taking a shower. Don't open the door for anyone. Murphy: Why? Millie: Because they can open it for themselves.
Murphy: Mommy, how old do I have to be to do wrestling? Me: I don't know. 6? Murphy: Cool. I will punch a guy in the weenie and hurt him. Me: No that's not wrestling. Murphy: Oh that's boxing. You can punch anywhere in boxing, right? Me: Um, right? Murphy: Even the dude? Moral of the story: Don't box Murphy if you have a dude.
"Great. She's in her terrible twos at one and a half." - Georgia
Mommy ask your friend Sherry for the weather forecast. Um that would be Siri.
"Mommy, fiction is not real and unfiction is real. Cha Cha Chinks is fiction. Mommy, you're unfiction."
Millie and Murphy talking about who to invite to her birthday party (which is in August...). Mil: Vincie and Max. Who are their mom and dad again? Me: Evan Moore and Jana Oliveri. Mil: Who is Evan again? Me: The tall dad. Mil: And Jana is the mom. She has skinny legs. Me: Oh yeah?! What about me? Mil: No, your legs are big. ....guess I'm going to have to work out twice tomorrow....
Something so funny about Millie calling her big toe her "thumb toe."
Georgia letting the dogs in: "Baby it's cold outside...I really can't stay....baby it's cold outside." Millie from upstairs: "Baby you're a fiiiiiiirrrre worrrrrrrkkkk......".
Millie just asked Charlie "did you sleep in your big girl bed all night long" and Charlie said "yeah". Millie asked "what did you dream about?" and Charlie said "kitties."
We read "Alice the Fairy" and were on the page with the broccoli with butter on top. Millie said "I do not like that. I only like butter on bread. And bagels". Georgia said "It tastes the same on broccoli as it does on bread. I like it on toast and bagels and, well, pretty much everything containing wheat."
Reading to the kids, we came across "keen." I was explaining what it meant. Millie pipes up "I'm a keen Jump & Bounce girl!"
Millie borrowed an egg from our neighbors and came home saying "Here you go. It's not a farm fresh egg." Said she learned that from Calliou. That whining little brat cartoon is teaching her something....
Millie and Charlie talking in back. Millie "daddy is Trevor." Charlie "yeah" Millie "and we are the Kettricks" Charlie "YEAH!!!!"
Millie and Murphy playing in the tub "Murphy, we are the water conserving machine". Murphy "you're right. We never waste water Millie."
"That kids at music is a pistol because he stole his brother's balloon from Charlie." ~ Millie
Trevor: It's Friday. You know what that means? Tomorrow is a weekend! Millie: And you know what kid and her mom are coming? (Cathy and Joy)
Georgia: "Sorry Murphy, I have to do this" -pinch- Why did you do that, George? "I had to have something to confess at reconciliation."
"Mommy, I'm sort of glad I had First Communion today. Now we can go skiing two days every weekend and not just one." Well now we have to go to church every Sunday. "What!? STILL?"
"You know that box that was blown up at the Monster Truck show? Never try that at home." Murphy.
"Mommy we get to go skiing today!" Yes! After school. "And I get to see my ski teacher. He's so silly. But you know who my favorite boyfriend is? James." Oh the life of a three year old.
Georgia going to bed "Mommy you know something silly!? 14 plus 14 is 28. 41 plus 41 is 82. It doesn't work with any other number. I've tried."
I always tell the kids "guess what they invented!? A laundry chute! And you'll never guess what goes in it!!" and the kids sarcastically say "dirty laundry" as they pick up their scattered clothes and put them down the chute. The next day Murphy said "guess what!? There is a thing called a toy store. You'll never guess what they have there. Toys!"
Typical kid of a vegetarian and a horse person "Mommy you know how they make food out of animals? Ummm what do they make out of horses!?" ~ Murphy
Breakfast chat: Murphy: I finally decided in my dream what I'm going to be for Halloween! A werewolf! Georgia: well I'm going I make you an underwerewolf costume instead.
"Mommy you member that kid on the street that was blowing a cigarette and thought he was do cool? He really wasn't." ~Millie
Murphy: Grace, don't try this. (a trick on the swing set) Grace: Why? You always do. Murphy: Don't do it. It's not a good choice. Grace: Then why do you do it? Murphy: I'm bad.
Murphy: "Hey Charlie, do you want a piggyback ride? OK. No biting. Hugs and kisses only."
Millie "When I'm 18 I will steal a sword from a bad guy and chop down a tree."
After Georgia's conference "So basically I'm smarter than a third grader. Maybe a fourth grader. When she wants us to show our thinking sometimes I make it up because I actually just know the answer."
Murphy "I never wear long sleeved shorts because they make me hot."
Mil: "I'm going to do this (art project) at the eat dinner table so Charlie can't get it."
I asked Murphy if he cleaned up the basement before coming upstairs. "Yes! Really. I did. See, my nose isn't growing!"
Charlie was crawling over Millie on the floor and she said "ah she's rolling over me like in an Aluma wallet!"
After a heck of a day with Millie, I told her "I love you but I don't like your actions." I overheard her telling Charlie the following day "Charlie, I love you but I don't like when you poop. Okay?"
Talking about school, I was telling the kids there are four years of high school, freshman, sophomore, junior, senior. Millie: "And then you go to jail."
Mil: I'm walking on my hippy heels.
Murphy: Not everyone has kids. Grandmas don't have kids. (Me: well, if they have grand kids, they have kids). Oh yeah. Some giants have kids. Fe fi fo fum, tooty in a tooty bum.
She did it on curpose. (You mean purpose?) Purpose? Like poo poo purpose?
Beer is for boys, wine is for girls.
Millie: I love Jett. Me: He's pretty cute! Mil: No, he's not pretty cute. He's a boy. He's pretty awesome.
My toe still hurts and I have a bloody knee. Now I really can't play tball!
Georgia looking at the American Girl website: "Oooooh look at the table and chairs. And the cute napkin with the heart on it. Sometimes I wish I was an American Girl doll."
Murphy singing "shake it, shake it, shake it like a polar bear picture."
"There's a heavy truck! You can put your wallet over there and it won't get squashed!" - too many Alluma wallet infomercials viewed?!
Murphy comes over from playing with his animals (which continue to be the BEST entertainment) and says, with the whale in his hand, "Is this an orca?" I say, "Yes!!" Murphy says, "It swims very well." UM..,OK Marine biologist!
Murphy: "I'm sad because....I'm crying."
Trevor: Do you want apple juice for dinner? Murphy: No, I want apple juice to drink."
Georgia was going upstairs and Murphy didn't want her to - he wanted her to play downstairs with him... Murphy: "No Georgie!!" Georgia: "You've been saying that all day. Stop it."
Molly tells Georgia, when Murphy was being cranky: "Let's be nice to Murphy because he's really tired." Georgia: "Then put him to bed."

Things I Love

Vacuuming (I <3 Dyson).
Accomplishing something. Anything.
Organization (even thought it doesn't last long).
Spraying off the deck/patio.
The smell of Clorox Clean-Up.
Giving compliments.
Friends - the kind you don't have to see every day or talk to for hours on the phone but you pick up where you left off every time you do get together!!
The library (I overheard a mom say "only two books" and almost had a heart attack! Why not take home two dozen!? No harm in that!!!)
A clean house (accomplished by me...although coming home after the cleaning lady has been here is nice too)
Planning meals - and having them turn out good!
When things just seem to work out
Watching Millie surprise herself when she says something that makes sense!
Knowing that my kids are OK
Having the kind of friends you can tell anything to.
When kids fall asleep watching TV.
Babies. Seriously. I'm addicted.
Being prepared.
My Blackberry. Although now my love is the iPhone, so sorry Crackberry, you've been replaced.
Ordering online. Anything.
Going to the ice cream shop with the kids and listening to their random creations. Nothing more sweet!
Finishing a marathon!
Watching kids when they think you can't see them.
When babies fart when they sneeze.
When you look at someone and they know exactly what you're thinking
Random kisses from your kids.
Time lapse - building something, flowers growing.
Getting good mail
Men putting on chapstick
Babies from behind sitting on their knees (little feet showing).
When you cannot keep your eyes open because you are just that tired.
Moms holding older kids' hand.
The noise of vacuuming up small things.
Tearing perforated paper.
Putting the coffee pot back on and it sizzling.
Entering a phone number on a website and it automatically moves you to the next box.
Grandpas driving minivans.
Finishing a long run.
Driving by vineyards.

Things I don't so much like

Piles. Piles of clutter, mail, laundry, etc.
Getting something that fell down the disposal
When someone else (Trevor) opens the mail. Even if it's junk. I wait all day for Al the Mailman. That's MY job! :0)
Ruby, or her little brother Max. Or Cayou.
NOISE.
Laundry put in front of the laundry chute.
Mascots.
Bubbles.
Kids getting hurt feelings.
Night vision cameras - freaky.
Online orders not fitting.
Being late.
Taking a 3/4 asleep kid out of the car to put him/her inside to continue the nap and on the way in they spy the neighbor's dog and wake up.
Stepping in the neighbor's dog's poop b/c apparently our yard is a more favorable spot to do business.
When I forget someone's name who remembers mine.
Unloading the dishwasher.