aahhhhhh

I feel like I can finally breathe again.  It makes me so angry (and upset and terrified) when doctors throw around possible diagnoses like it's nothing.  Of course my mind goes straight to the worst case scenario and my fingers go straight to Google. 

This last one was a doozie.  'The man' at John's Hopkins couldn't classify my tumor, so he suggested I have genetic counseling, as he saw a link between my tumor and my skin cancers.  Hearing this news at my check-up with the neurosurgeon was like a kick in the gut.  I went in feeling wonderful and came out with my head hung low.  My initial thought was....genetics....that means my kids, my parents, my sisters and my niece and nephew are effected too.  Worst case scenario.  A few days later I was at the Spokane Club getting ready to hop on a treadmill when I got a phone call.  It was the secretary from the geneticist office calling to schedule an appointment.  The first words out of her mouth were "Now, what symptoms have you been having for your doctor to refer you for Cowden's Syndrome?"  Excuse me!?  Here my first reaction was WHY IS THE SECRETARY TELLING ME THIS?  Isn't there some sort of privacy act - Hippa or something??  Regardless, the first thing I did was pull up the internet on my phone and check things out.  It is quite an extreme syndrome with  some very visible physical characteristics as well as a predisposition to several other cancers.  Oh - and the appointment she was able to get me in for was a month and a half out.  Brutal.

I went to my other doctor's appointment, told her of this genetics office, etc., and she offered to call to recommend I was seen sooner.  Long story short, my appointment yesterday (and not a month from now!) resulted in a physical exam, going over the family health history paperwork I filled out, and the geneticist almost rolling her eyes that I was a) referred for Cowden's Syndrome and b) referred at all.  Hallelujah!  FINALLY getting some good...or GREAT news from a doctor's appointment was a fabulous feeling!  It feels like the stars are aligning again.  Everything is going to be OK.  There are so many positive things to focus on right now.  I am tired of giving energy to negative people.  I need all the energy I can take right now to return to the person I was before this whole mess began!

I have never been one to ask for or accept help, but throughout this process I have learned I have to!  Friends babysitting the kids for my appointments and being there for me to talk to have been unreal.  I always say I hate drama, and I feel as though I have lived such a dramatic life these past few months.  I feel like I have drained the positivity from people.  With apologies, I am back!  Ready for action!

bless her heart

Here I sit, watching Millie entertain herself while the kids are at school.  She is now in the stroller with her baby doll, both under a blanket.  She pokes her head around and says "hi mommy."  Before I know it, she's right next to me saying "help, please," as her baby's hat needed some assistance.  Her little voice is precious.  Now, she also uses that precious little voice to get her way with "NO!  Mine!!" but the "I do!" response to who wants to take a tubbies, or who wants to pick the kids up from school is awesome.  She is turning in to such a kid!

Feeding Linny

Look what I came up the stairs to find!  Millie is such a good helper feeding the animals.  Better than this is when I have to throw away bowls of soggy dog food, as their bowls are science experiments for Millie!
By the way, I have a cabinet that keeps all of Linny's things but I haven't gotten it back from the lady I had paint it yet....I think she may have stolen it. ;0)

ah ha

At church Sunday I sat there, without distraction because Georgia was at Sunday School and Murph and Mil were home with Trevor, and something really struck me as an "ah ha moment." The priest said (something along the lines of) life being like the sidewalks or streets of Spokane right now. You can be walking along sure-footed, and all of the sudden you hit a patch of black ice and slip and fall. You need to get back to that solid ground and continue walking. This is something I will definitely try to focus on, as it is a positive way to view things, as I go through all of the uncertainty right now!

Violin Recital

Georgia had her first violin recital this afternoon, playing Jingle Bells. A little after Christmas, yes, but very festive nonetheless. She did so well - I am so proud of her. We were sitting there, Trevor videoing, Murphy standing on the chair watching, Millie standing on my lap watching, and me holding back the tears. She was absolutely precious, marching up there, saying "Hello, my name is Georgia. I will be playing...the violin...Jingle Bells." Precious.

She has already asked when the next recital is ("probably when I'm six").

Breakfast

Who plays with Barbies?

Silly Silly Millie Geel