aahhhhhh

I feel like I can finally breathe again.  It makes me so angry (and upset and terrified) when doctors throw around possible diagnoses like it's nothing.  Of course my mind goes straight to the worst case scenario and my fingers go straight to Google. 

This last one was a doozie.  'The man' at John's Hopkins couldn't classify my tumor, so he suggested I have genetic counseling, as he saw a link between my tumor and my skin cancers.  Hearing this news at my check-up with the neurosurgeon was like a kick in the gut.  I went in feeling wonderful and came out with my head hung low.  My initial thought was....genetics....that means my kids, my parents, my sisters and my niece and nephew are effected too.  Worst case scenario.  A few days later I was at the Spokane Club getting ready to hop on a treadmill when I got a phone call.  It was the secretary from the geneticist office calling to schedule an appointment.  The first words out of her mouth were "Now, what symptoms have you been having for your doctor to refer you for Cowden's Syndrome?"  Excuse me!?  Here my first reaction was WHY IS THE SECRETARY TELLING ME THIS?  Isn't there some sort of privacy act - Hippa or something??  Regardless, the first thing I did was pull up the internet on my phone and check things out.  It is quite an extreme syndrome with  some very visible physical characteristics as well as a predisposition to several other cancers.  Oh - and the appointment she was able to get me in for was a month and a half out.  Brutal.

I went to my other doctor's appointment, told her of this genetics office, etc., and she offered to call to recommend I was seen sooner.  Long story short, my appointment yesterday (and not a month from now!) resulted in a physical exam, going over the family health history paperwork I filled out, and the geneticist almost rolling her eyes that I was a) referred for Cowden's Syndrome and b) referred at all.  Hallelujah!  FINALLY getting some good...or GREAT news from a doctor's appointment was a fabulous feeling!  It feels like the stars are aligning again.  Everything is going to be OK.  There are so many positive things to focus on right now.  I am tired of giving energy to negative people.  I need all the energy I can take right now to return to the person I was before this whole mess began!

I have never been one to ask for or accept help, but throughout this process I have learned I have to!  Friends babysitting the kids for my appointments and being there for me to talk to have been unreal.  I always say I hate drama, and I feel as though I have lived such a dramatic life these past few months.  I feel like I have drained the positivity from people.  With apologies, I am back!  Ready for action!

bless her heart

Here I sit, watching Millie entertain herself while the kids are at school.  She is now in the stroller with her baby doll, both under a blanket.  She pokes her head around and says "hi mommy."  Before I know it, she's right next to me saying "help, please," as her baby's hat needed some assistance.  Her little voice is precious.  Now, she also uses that precious little voice to get her way with "NO!  Mine!!" but the "I do!" response to who wants to take a tubbies, or who wants to pick the kids up from school is awesome.  She is turning in to such a kid!

Feeding Linny

Look what I came up the stairs to find!  Millie is such a good helper feeding the animals.  Better than this is when I have to throw away bowls of soggy dog food, as their bowls are science experiments for Millie!
By the way, I have a cabinet that keeps all of Linny's things but I haven't gotten it back from the lady I had paint it yet....I think she may have stolen it. ;0)

ah ha

At church Sunday I sat there, without distraction because Georgia was at Sunday School and Murph and Mil were home with Trevor, and something really struck me as an "ah ha moment." The priest said (something along the lines of) life being like the sidewalks or streets of Spokane right now. You can be walking along sure-footed, and all of the sudden you hit a patch of black ice and slip and fall. You need to get back to that solid ground and continue walking. This is something I will definitely try to focus on, as it is a positive way to view things, as I go through all of the uncertainty right now!

Violin Recital

Georgia had her first violin recital this afternoon, playing Jingle Bells. A little after Christmas, yes, but very festive nonetheless. She did so well - I am so proud of her. We were sitting there, Trevor videoing, Murphy standing on the chair watching, Millie standing on my lap watching, and me holding back the tears. She was absolutely precious, marching up there, saying "Hello, my name is Georgia. I will be playing...the violin...Jingle Bells." Precious.

She has already asked when the next recital is ("probably when I'm six").

Breakfast

Who plays with Barbies?

Silly Silly Millie Geel

She gets it

She just gets it.

Christmas morning

The decorations are down and the tree is out front...not a trace of the holidays. Fun times, though. It helps to have kids that are nerds. Give them a few books, science things, and a pogo stick and their Christmas is made! Someone asked Georgia what Santa brought her, and her immediate response: "A chapter book!"

Ski Deer Valley

We had so much fun in Utah for the few days leading up to Christmas. Initially Georgia was going to do ski school and Murphy was going to kick it at the house, but he wanted in too. Three days in a row of ski school and skiing with Uncle Chris (after the first day he was so tired he called Chris "Ryan." But he kept on truckin'!) This little guy is not the most adventurous. He is cautious and takes a while to warm up to things. Not all things. He will gladly sit on Santa's lap, make friends in any situation, and walk to the back of the plane to ask the flight attendants "how much longer do we have?" When it comes to eating, he is hesitant to branch out, but eventually he does. Swimming is the same. In the past month he has become a completely different kid. I didn't force it when he wasn't a fan of swim lessons last year, and I'm glad I didn't. He always liked to play in the water, but wouldn't "swim." I can't keep the kid out of (or above) the water now. So, skiing was huge. He never had that lag time. He fired up and did it! So proud of him. I can see him now..."At five feet 4 inches, for the ski jumping competition, Murphy Kettrick..." and the crowd will chant "Murph, Murph, Murph..." Oh I can dream...

The little elves waiting for Santa

Oh Mil

At one point I thought...where is Millie!? Just taking a little break from the festivities...

Fun Times

We had fun at the club's Christmas party. The sugar kicked in and the kids were wild! Fun times with fun friends!!

Millie's First Love